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Steve was not supposed to be here.
I remember the day. December 7th 2019. I was camping out at Gamestop to get a copy of the new Smash Brothers Ultimate. I saved up quite a bit of money for this game, and I watned to try it out. I got in, got the game, and then I went home to try it. When I started up the game, I loaded up to the sweet character select screen. I played as Mario for quite a bit and unlocked a few characters. I redeemed my code and I was promised Piranha plant later on. I was one of the few who wanted Piranha Plant over Isaac or Shovel Knight in smash. At school, I ranted out loud about how Chrom didn't deserve to be in Smash and that Piranha Plant should be in Smash. I got bullied for it, which triggered my psychotic mind. Oh, I have to mention this in order to make myself interesting: I have numerous mental disorders that I diagnosed by myself via unreliable personality quizzes. I am not only a sociopath, but autistic, schizophrenic, bipolar kid with ADHD and OCD. I'm not like other people, and I think I am more intelligent than most people. Foolish people at school. They were filthy, and I was the enlightened one. I am smarter than most people, and I just laugh at how unintelligent the other people are. I know everything and care more about philosophy and the universe. They only care about consumerism. Oh sorry, I spent too much time on tumblr ranting about Conservatives and their 2 genders. Anyways, I played World of Light and I beat the entire game 100% and got myself every single character on the roster. However, there was something... off. When the 2.0.0 update came out and I now had Piranha Plant, the title screen was... weird. Instead of playing Smash Music, it played "Moog City" from the Minceraft title screen. Something was up. I went to Classic mode to try shit out. I found out that there was a character named "Steve?" in the Roster. Curious, I tried him out instead of going to customer support and asking them to fix my game like a NORMAL PERSON, but remember, I had 50 mental disorders that aren't even diagnosed by an actual psychologist, so... When Classic Mode Loaded up and I chose 5.0 as my difficulty, my first opponents were Mario, Peach, Luigi, Wario, Yoshi, Diddy Kong, Donkey Kong, Rosalina, Daisy, and Bowser. What? How did these characters relate to Minecraft? What the hell? In addition, when I fought these characters, instead of screaming normally in game when I hit them, they screamed hyper - realistic phrases like "Help us" and "End our suffering" or "help us commit not living". In addition, I started off with a Death's Scythe and when I hit them, hyper-realistic blood came out. I was scared, but I was also curious. Next up, I was facing the Zelda Characters, and after that, the Kirby Characters, then the two Mother characters, and then the Metroid characters, and then Captain Falcon, and then the Mii characters. The Mii characters said "End mii" when I hit them. Anyways, I was at the Bonus Stage when something weird happened. The stage was filled with BLOOD and GORE and it was all hyper-realistic! What have I done?! I've killed every smash character in the game! Well, except for one. When I got to the boss, I wasn't playing as Steve. I was playing as the one the only, the magnificent, the godly... PLANT GANG Yes, I was playing as my main, and I was playing against Steve. The battle music was the Brawl theme(Audi famam illius). As Piranha Plant, I neutral aired steve to get the first hit. Steve hit hard, but I hit harder. I kept on using my down special and my side special in order to do damage to Steve. Hyper-realistic blood was everywhere. We were both on 80%, when steve used his side smash. The screen turned red, indicating that I was going to be defeated. I flew across the screen, but I didn't die. I didn't fucking die at all! I was on 300% now(wait, but I was on 80% beforehand what the fu-). Any hit could've killed me, but I was juking. I was dodging every single one of his attacks. Suddenly, an assist trophy appeared. I used it and out came, you guessed it, NOTCH! NOTCH used his NOTCH-y powers in order to fuck steve up. However, after Steve got to 300%, he was able to kill Notch and now I was on my own. This was it. We were both at 300% and any thing could've killed us. The game was cheering for me. I not only heard the "Piranha Plant" chants, but also some woomies and some monkey sounds! It was the entire Smash roster cheering for me! I must win. I initiated with a Side b down b, but steve dodged it. Steve tried to Side smash me, but I shielded myself. We weren't making any progress for 5 minutes for some reason, and it was a stalemate. Until... A smash ball appeared. I headed for the smash ball. I knew that it wasn't a fake one, and I had to get it before Steve. I hit it a few times with my aerials, but steve was also hitting it. Fortunately, I down b'd the smash ball at the last second and I got it. I activated my final smash. This is epic. Petey Piranha jumped out of nowhere and fucked Steve up, trapping Steve inside his cage. The screen turned red once again, and this time, Steve was thrown across the screen into oblivion. I won. I saved the roster. My screen turned black. My smash ultimate didn't work anymore, and I ended up losing a cartridge. I laid down. It was amazing. I couldn't believe that I just won against Steve as my main. I swore to never touch video games again and this was certainly a memory that haunted me for the rest of my life. A few days later, I got a letter from Sakurai himself: Dear EpicFortniteDude252(that was my Nintendo username), I have to thank you eternally for this. For 6 hours, we've been experiencing technical difficulties with our game. It seemed like the only character that other people could choose was Steve. It angered a lot of our Smash fans and we didn't know what to do. It turns out that Herobrine hacked into our servers and caused every Nintendo Switch to mess up and every Smash Ultimate cartridge was glitching out. By defeating Steve, Herobrine ended up removing himself. This "revived" the entire roster and made it so that people could enjoy Smash again. Thank you, Masahiro Sakurai